Here's my attempt at keeping things light on a Friday: Let's share our favorite lines of dialogue, bits of business, anything...that never made it to air. Flagged by S&P, cut for time, utterly superfluous, whatever. I know you've got a few. I've got two that immediately come to mind:
1) Years ago, I freelanced on a craptastic "Littlest Pet Shop" series. In the opening of one of my eps, I needed the pet shop owner to be distracted on the phone, so the animals could...engage in clever comedic hijinks (at least, I'm pretty sure that was the intent). So, as we fade up, the shop owner is in mid-conversation and says:
"Egrets? I've had a few...But, then again, too few to mention."
A total throwaway, about as non "kid relatable" as you can get, and I understand why it got cut - but it still makes me laugh.
2) 1st season of "Yin, Yang, Yo". Episode where Yin puts her special 'two-nicorn' doll on a stool, Master Yo sits on it and crushes it - the two-nicorn horns stick in his butt - and Yin and Yang go on a journey to get the doll fixed. They succeed, Yin puts the doll on the stool, and I pitched the following line as Yo sits on the doll again:
"Dang it - that's my second painful stool of the day!"
Hey...it killed at the board punch.
Your turn...
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First Fairly Oddparents script:
Cosmo and Wanda are disguised as lobsters in a lobster tank when a french lobster (obligatory thin, twirly mustache) makes the move on Wanda.
The joke that got cut but was used later: Cosmo elbows the lobster into a chef's hand.
Wanda: "That lobster looked pretty mad!"
Cosmo: "You think he's steamed now, just wait!"
The joke that didn't make it?
At the end of the episode, Cosmo and Wanda are birds in a tree. Wanda is sitting on an egg, which hatches and becomes...
...a baby lobster.
Cosmo: "Something you wanna tell me?"
Of course it was cut. :)
Not exactly on topic, but one of my favorite lines I DID get away with was for a Saban show. The line went something like "Why do the biggest crooks always have to put their names on the sides of buildings?" I'm sure Haim Saban never read the script, but his stepdaughter was one of the voice actress on the show and the line went completely over her head.
(And for those who don't remember the Saban buildings in Burbank and later in Westwood, the joke is hereby explained.)
JLU: "Flash and Substance," The Flash has just gotten jumped by his whole rogues' gallery and the Flash Museum built in his honor has been destroyed. A reporter asks him how he feels. He scratches his head, then brightens and says "now museum, now you don't."
It would have ruined the episode but I say some puns are worth it.
Timon and Pumbaa TV show. T&P have been trapped and are now for sale in an exotic pet shop. Timon, tied to a safety rope, is trying to escape through the vents, with Pumbaa holding the other end of the rope back in their cage.
Timon reaches a sharp 90-degree drop-off in the vents. He calls back to Pumbaa: "Pumbaa! Let me down easy!"
Pumbaa looks confused, calls back: "Oookay...I like you as a friend but I think we should see other people!"
My story editor (jokingly) called me evil. My gay friends worshipped me.
(And as far as I know, it got changed to "We really like your work but we're downsizing.")
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